Then and Now

Do you ever look back & wonder how you survived specific parts of your life based on the direction you were heading? Maybe we’ve all, pretty much, thought that at least once in our lives. Me, I know I’m not deserving of all the “2nd chances” I was given. There was a very dark time in my life where I tried to hide (yeah right) from God. “How do you do that?” you might ask. Well, you simply live exactly the way you want and stay away from other Christians so you avoid some of the convictions of the Holy Spirit. Notice, I did say “some”. If you’re truly a believer than you will be convicted. The difference is: how do you react? I chose – not to react – for a long time.

I made so many stupid choices, which I’m not going to broadcast here, but you can be assured that I find it very hard to judge people. Don’t get me wrong, I do think that Christians should be held accountable. I just mean that I don’t stand “above” everyone telling them how to do it “right”. I simply & humbly advise them to go to the The Word and seek the Truth for themselves. It’s all in there but you have to be open to hear and see it for yourself.

Back to that very hard distance between me & my God……I created it myself….He never left me…..I stayed away from Him…..I did some of it to fit in with my so-called friends at the time, other things were just to forget where I was in my self-inflicted reality right then, then there was the ever popular ” there are so many hypocrites out there anyway” excuse. How stupid did I sound? Very……you’re right! Where are those “friends” now? Probably prison, but I hope they turned their lives around, no thanks to me & my “positive” influence. As for “my reality”, why create such a painful existence when God promises so much more! And the “hypocrite” thing: lame on all accounts. No excuse to personally separate myself from my loving Father. In spite of other “humans” on this earth, we are, each, held responsible for our actions. I could justify my actions for years….. just hope I live long enough to get it right with God…but I’ll be carrying the consequences of my actions with me, whenever it is that I finally get back on track & accept God’s will for my life! Living like that was so dangerous! See, God allows us to hit rock bottom if that’s what it takes to get back to Him! I’m not saying that my actions caused the bad things that happened around me at that time but going through them – alone – sure got my attention! I ended up divorced, a “friend” tried to commit suicide, my baby niece died, my parents were so ashamed of me & found it hard to claim me, I lied to hide the truth from people who cared, I had several reasons to get my life right but just kept fighting God.  I have several people in my life right now, who are going the wrong way for their lives too and they’re so unwilling to submit to God, just like I didn’t do for a long time. They think they can ride time I guess. That’s so scary!  Different things work with different people, but what got me was my son . Here was someone I was responsible for who needed me to teach him about God & His love for him. My actions were going to be on display in front of this innocent child. What was I going to teach him? What would he take with him through life about the type of person he should be? Yes, he has a Daddy who he can imitate but I would be with him most of his childhood & I was his MOM. Woah!!!! That got my attention! I couldn’t fail this child. I knew I couldn’t be perfect but that’s not what God asks of me! I vowed to be the best Christian mom my kids could have. Our past preacher used to ask us: “What’s your purpose?” I realized that mine is “to raise Christian children who love God and want His will for their lives”. That’s a huge undertaking but I’m not doing this alone so I stand a really good chance of succeeding!!!

The jest of this is:

God’s grace changed me for their sake too!

I am so thankful & blessed to be His!!!

<— My angels from God

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