Posts Tagged ‘trust’

The acceptance of who we claim to be seems so important and necessary to our existence on this earth. Yet, our acceptance is really quite the opposite of what God requires of us. He tells us to “deny” ourself, (Luke 9:23 “if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”) and to be more like Him and less like us! Yes, He takes us as we are but then the changes take place and that’s when it’s evident that we want what He wants. The stubborn, strong willed, resistant persons we are do not reflect total submission & true repentance.

Don’t limit God (Luke 1:37 “Nothing is impossible with God.”) by telling Him, like you tell the world: “this is just who I am and you can either accept me or not. I can’t change; (James 4:7 “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and He will flee from you.”) I’ve tried. I’m not changing for anyone!” Good news: God is not just anyone!! He created you and He’s the only One who can change you to be more like Him & less like You. John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

We must ask God to make us willing to accept the changes He wants to make in us then have faith that He will “complete the good work” Phil. 1:6 He has in mind for us. We can trust God! Jer. 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”


broken_heart-1508Why is it just so hard to forgive certain people?  They just keep on hurting me, treating me disrespectfully and just plain “rubbing me the wrong way”. No matter how many times I’ve resolved to forgive them, (no apology given either), it just keeps happening. No one should be a doormat but seriously? How do I move on and quit letting them have this power over me? Woah! Maybe that’s it.

WHY do they have power over me?

WHY does it matter what they think or do?

WHY do I let them continue to get under my skin?

I keep ending up back at this place & am surprised by it every time. Not by their behavior but my reaction. I give them the benefit of the doubt, trust them again & again, try to see them thru God’s eyes and not my own, and the all-time hardest – pray for a love for them! Just when I think I’m there – they do it again – we’re right back to them occupying my thots and being the cause of my heartache – AGAIN! This vicious cycle HAS to end!!

In BSF this week, I’m studying Genesis, specifically chapters 18-21 and we’re covering Grace right now.

“The essence of grace, though, is to show that kind of favor to those who are completely undeserving of it. That is the quality of God’s grace.”

It has forced me to search my own heart – quite humbling and convicting, to say the least. I know we’re supposed to forgive & forgive according to scripture but what does it say about GRACE? True grace isn’t extended only once, is it? I think of so many instances where God gives grace to both Biblical characters and us living beings on earth. He is the true example of GRACE, obviously, but we’re supposed to do the same, and to follow His example. Not ours.
Each time I’ve read the BSF lesson for this week God brought me to convicting tears – pleading with me to submit to His healing of my brokenness: “God’s grace to His people and His faithfulness to keep His promises shines brightly against the backdrop of our selfish choices that conform to the world around us and seek our agendas rather than God’s purposes.”
I end up feeling like it’s my job to teach them a lesson or force them to admit their wrong. This is about when the self thots and heartache begin.

As quoted in my BSF lesson:
Matthew 12:34 “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”
Hebrews 4:12 His Word “judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”

I battle back & forth over extending them grace for fear they’ll take it as permission to continue treating me this way. Will they see that it’s grace or think I’m a doormat?
Just a few examples that show God’s amazing grace through people I know and people in Scripture:
Abraham, in Genesis, because of God’s covenant with him, he was still allowed to have a son bore to him & Sarah, in spite of the fact that they took matters into their hands. They sinned before God by allowing Sarah’s handservant to get pregnant with Abraham’s child.
Lot, in Genesis, because of that same covenant and His promise to Abraham’s family, God gave Lot a chance to save his life and the lives of his family before destroying Sodom, in spite of the fact that Lot sinned by staying in Sodom when God told him to leave.
King David, who sinned over & over again, once even having the husband of his mistress killed so he could have the wife as his own & even having a child with this woman, God extended him grace both as a King and saving his life numerous times.
A big one to me: God showed amazing grace to all by allowing His own Son to die for EVERYONE who is a sinner by nature & continues to sin against Him but instead God showed them (us) a way to have eternal life through His Son. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” Yeah! I didn’t deserve that one. God didn’t try to teach me a lesson or punish me for my sins. He provided a way out and some kind of amazing grace like never seen before nor will ever be seen again by anyone on this earth! There’s tons more of examples but those are just to name a few.
Now for an example in my life by a very loving man I know – I was shown an amazing example of grace by our recent pastor when he resigned from our church. This man was the epitome of grace both to our entire church body and to a select number of members he knew had personality conflicts with him in an attempt to have peace and unity in our church. Knowing what he did about their feelings toward him he chose to leave after treating them with love and forgiveness in his final goodbye. He was sincere in his previous desire to swallow his pride and allow them to see his heart of love for them instead of revenge, punishment and arrogance. Even though others showed him exactly those traits. I was in awe of the God who supplied him with the love and grace to extend to the hurt he obviously experienced. The church is not exempt from sinful & fleshly desires to hurt others inside the church but our reactions do matter to God.
The world encourages us to cut our losses but to always go out with a vengeance, seeking revenge and teaching others a lesson for messing with the wrong person. That’s not God’s way. What prevents us from handling similar situations like God wants us to handle them? Pride, arrogance, sinful/fleshly desires of the heart. When I look at it that way I’m sickened by my heart for some people. I’m just as sinful as the next guy. If I truly hate what God hates I can’t act-just like-what I hate. I’m normally pretty quick to forgive and overlook, giving the benefit to most. God doesn’t command us to love those who are EASY to love, but to love EVERYONE!
There are certain people in my life who, over the years, have treated me with superiority and like I’m not a priority unless it’s convenient for them. That is a hurt that I keep allowing back into my life because of situations forcing us together. I can’t just walk away from all hurtful people. I’m still dealing with the hurt I’ve experienced in those situations too but they are no different. I have to extend grace to them too.
Don’t get me wrong, I love all these people, I really do. I don’t wish them harm nor want to see them hurt. I do see good in most people, even in people who rub me the wrong way. I am constantly searching scripture to find out how God wants me to proceed.

It can’t be-what if they continue.

It can’t be-what if they don’t listen to me.

It can’t be-will they go unpunished?

By the way, God doesn’t allow that last one to happen. My job is not to point out the faults of everyone who has hurt me or disrespected me. My act of obedience, to my Heavenly Father, has to trump my desire to make them hurt too, make them admit their wrongs, & show me some much earned respect. I HAVE to care more what He THINKS of me rather than what they DO to me!

~when you know your brokenness is so very close to the healing stages & yet it’s still scary & hard to obey & take that final step & let God do what He’s so able to do – bring you to the other side of your journey & show you real freedom – that only comes from Him & trusting His sovereignty~

~total surrender~

in need of prayers tonight-thanks ♥

Do we just keep letting them pile on the bricks? Can they ever be trusted again? How many bricks – till the wall shuts people completely out? Like bricks in a wall form a barrier or even a perimeter of protection, we build walls to protect our hearts. Every time someone hurts us we add another brick to “our wall”. We start out with trust then it’s betrayed. In go the bricks. Up goes the wall. We find a way to forgive again. A little more trust is reluctantly given. But….AGAIN….we get hurt…and by the SAME person. Another & another brick goes in as we desperately attempt to protect our hearts from any more damage. We wonder if we’ll ever trust again. It’s a sad & empty feeling – like no one can be trusted. Time passes & we choose to give only an ounce of trust to one person – risking everything we have left of our broken hearts, praying it turns out differently this time. Meanwhile that other person, who supplied the bricks, that started the wall, continuously tries to include him/herself in our lives. How dare they! Yet they want another chance but a chance at what? We don’t know unless we allow them back in. Do we dare?
But…on the flip side…Are the bricks protecting us from the ones who keep hurting us or keeping us from the ones who want to treat us right? It’s a risk no less! Do we shut all people out or let some in? Do we keep our wall up & remain sad & empty or remove a brick, one at a time, BUT only for those who’ve never hurt us….yet?
I know! There are two famous quotes out there probably floating around your head right now: “it’s better to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all” and “hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me.”
How do those apply here? Well, I don’t have all the answers for every unique situation but I do understand the walls & the risks. I do still believe, after all the various hurtful people in my life, the personal trust issues with betrayal & the love in my life, that IT’s, (trust),been worth it! No, I never wanted the hurtful parts but I do still have the good memories in spite of the hurt & yes! the bricks are still there more or less.

So, no matter how personal of a decision this is, remembering I’m no expert, take this from my personal experience:
1) Take the necessary time to mourn because it IS a loss.

2) Don’t go into self-destruct mode; it only hurts you & gives you even more to have to deal with in the end.

3) Surround yourself with positive friends & family who won’t try to persuade you either way right now.

4) Go ahead & set up some boundaries for that person but be prepared to change them later maybe.

5) Try to find a way to forgive them eventually because you can’t survive without it, whether you ever trust them again or not.

6) Being a child of God, I also have to keep reminding myself of God’s promises & who I am, to Him. One crucial promise is that He will never leave us & He can ALWAYS be trusted!!
None of us WANT to be hurt or betrayed but it is a risk we choose to take if we let people in our lives. We have to have other humans. Even the untrustworthy ones brought us something good…at one time or another…& yes, it will show you a strength you never knew you had – when one day you can look back & not cry. Take it from me – the tears do subside.

Hurt and Trust

Posted: January 9, 2012 in Just Me
Tags: , , , ,

Once you’ve been hurt, severely hurt, to the core – are you able to ever again trust that person completely? Right now I’m feeling the walls go up again with someone who caused me a similar kind of hurt. What sparked it? Seeing someone very close to me accept an apology from another someone who hurt them, betrayed them and tossed their relationship right out the window. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about forgiveness & second chances. But you know that saying? “Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.” I believe that God equips us with these precautionary measures to protect us. An instant fear surfaced that I thought was gone. We had not even experienced the same hurt yet I became extremely overprotective of my “close person” so that he wouldn’t get hurt again also.
I know it’s the enemy causing my spirit of fear and mistrust. It’s also experience with these people who hurt us even though they’ve both been forgiven, long ago.
Is it safe to trust again? Is is ok to let them have any kind of place anywhere near our hearts again? I need to definitely search God’s Word for some advice on this one. So, once I do, I’ll be back and share what I learned….

I know my title for this blog is rather strange but I’ve been thinking about this month and reading some entries in my prayer journal recently. It was quite a ride this month and it’s quickly coming to an end, the month, that is. Already! April is just around the corner. During my reflections, I can see God’s hand in so much of March, especially during those “lion” type days, not just the “lamb” days but then again, who else would you, well I, anyway, think of, when referring to the Lion and the Lamb?
I truly love all the many traits (pls. forgive the human definition) of God and how He so easily fits all my situations! My human mind and heart see Him as strong like a lion when I need strength. I feel His grace on a daily basis. I know His patience firsthand as He continually deals with me. I’m aware of His presence and His arms around me when I need to be carried or to feel loved! He gives me peace and assurance when I start to doubt and reminds me that He is in control! So many times this month, He’s lead me in the direction toward His will for my life and it’s been easier sometimes to trust completely, but others He’s had to gently remind me, He is so able! I love how He isn’t offended at my hesitation sometimes to give it all to Him. He knows me so well! And He still loves me! What an amazing love and comfort to me!
I look forward to April to see how He will continue to take care of me and my family! He’s provided an opportunity for us to come back to a similar place in our lives, where I can stay at home and raise my kids. The difference is that I’m not the same person. I’ve been chiseled quite a bit, not to perfection by any means, but so much more like Him and who He wants me to be that I can’t wait to see how He’s going to bless and care for my family.
He tells us to obey Him and live for Him then trust Him:
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee
the desires of thine heart…I have been young, and now am
old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his
seed begging bread.” Psalms 37:4, 25, KJV
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his
righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow
shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto
the day is the evil thereof.” Matthew 6:33-34, KJV
One of my favorite verses –
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV Version)
As Spring has arrived and April approaches, I know a certain peace today! Sure, the rain will come, it always does in April. The bills won’t stop. The “fires” will continue to need to be extinguished, sometimes on a daily basis! But, this one thing I know, truly know for sure: We are living God’s plan for our lives right now and it’s all about Him! He is front and center in my life so I also know that the enemy won’t be liking that much at all! I know how crucial it is to be armed and ready for his fiery darts, his confusion and his lies but God will fight those battles for me and BE SURE: He shall prevail!

Enjoy your Easter, hopefully with some family – but mostly reflect on our Savior’s death and resurrection this holiday! Because without all that: there is no life! Praise God! “Because He LIVES, I can face tomorrow!…Because He lives, all fear is gone…Because I know HE holds the future and life is worth the living just because He LIVES!”
(I hope I didn’t mess up the words to that beautiful old Easter hymn, since they came more from my heart than my memory)

No, life’s not perfect, but my God is AWESOME and good ALL THE TIME!!! Be encouraged and lean on Him with “yours” too!

Way Too Emo!

Posted: February 15, 2010 in Just Me
Tags: , , , , , ,

“Way Too Emo!” really hits the nail on the head with me, I’m afraid! I hate, (highly dislike-kid friendly) when I’m like this! Does it mean I’m doubting God, lacking faith, fully relying on me again, or what? Probably all of the above, huh?
It’s been a while since my last blog for many reasons: time, lack of effort/energy, emotional, stressed, giddy, busy, confusion, (For God is not the author of confusion but of peace… 1 Corinthians 14:33)
the list goes on and on… but the main reason is because I think of something to blog and then I nix it for fear of misleading or depressing someone else. So much for total transparency right? I don’t want to be a stumbling block to anyone! I have learned to trust God and my faith has grown but if I write during those low times, it feels like I’ve regressed in my growth. (“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair …” 2 Corinthians 4:8)
It’s not God’s fault I’m emotional and all over the grid, it’s mine! Don’t get me wrong – I know He made me with all my emotions but He expects me to have self control also. Even with them! I don’t! To say the least!

Let’s go back and see this roller coaster of emotions played out once again. Christmas – so sweet and special. Scott is employed and we were able to bless the kids with a few wonderful gifts that they wanted. Fortunately, for us, they have very few desires. God’s helped Scott to ease into this job, over time, and carried him over the rough patches to smother ground with worldly co-workers. (“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28) I still have my p/t job but am praying to be able to quit and raise my own kids rather than they raise themselves.

January – Heater issues, February – snow fun but cold weather causing hot water problems and high electric bill. More of Feb. wonderful Valentine’s with my husband. The hope and dream of being able to quit work isn’t becoming a reality anytime soon. We continue to be able to eat, keep our home, drive our vehicles without problems, why can’t I just be thankful and content?

I look at all my blessings but if that one thing that concerns me most in that time of my life isn’t happening or working out then it seems to negate all the other wonderful, truly amazing blessings I do have happening and working out! Why am I so emotional?! I want to be content! I want peace and to rest when I sleep! (“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31) I don’t intend to doubt God! I know He is so in control and His timing is always, reminder, ALWAYS PERFECT! (“Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’ Luke 18:27) I have to rely on Him alone and back off already! (“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14) I don’t want what others have – not even to be rich and famous! I just want what we had – our life back! Before the journey! But then again, I don’t want the lessons to have to be learned all over again that I leaned during this journey! Why can’t I have both? In this time, this place in my life? The sadness (“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4) and anger are overwhelming and I’m begging God, my Father, who’s carried me, to hold me tight and wrap me in His capable arms of love and assure me I’ll be ok, more than ok!

God gently reminds me of some verses I’ve read in the past that I can’t afford to forget:
“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.” Psalm 18:32-36
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Psalm 142:3 “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. This plea comes from David as he was hiding in a cave. A man after God’s own heart needed to plea. He pled to the one who could save him and did.”
I pray that this scripture touches you, as it has me, and that God uses my words to bless you and not hinder your growth. Trust Him, not man! Know that He wants you to prosper! (Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I am trusting Him to keep that promise as I continue to wait! I am so blessed that HE loves me, emotions and all!

sunset1It’s been so long since I felt like even getting on my blog, let alone writing anything. So much has happened, good and bad! So much has changed but then some of it hasn’t changed abit for us! My husband still doesn’t have employment but let me tell you my latest story! God has placed me in a position, a couple of them to be exact, where He is continuing to show me His faithfulness, one thing after another! I love how I can count on Him to do what He promised He will do, in spite of me and how He has carried us for all these months! Not all of it has been easy, let me assure you, but at the new job I have, for about a month now, I’m constantly surrounded by scripture! I work in a Christian bookstore where I’m able to focus on His promises! My co-workers love God and are such a blessing in my life right now!  I also work with some great Christian teens with a class I teach with our Home School group! They give me hope for our future! He’s also allowed us to continue teaching our children at home instead of having to enroll them in public school. Although we’ve gone through so much sickness, more than ever before, we are somewhat healthy! We’re releasing things into His hands on almost a daily basis when it comes to doing away with tv, cell phones, etc. since money is only part time with my job. But we still have our home, vehicles and as you can tell, our internet. The most special parts of our lives are the animals and the love between the kids and those animals. Seeing that life and our kids’ smiles still around us is such a huge blessing!  God has brought us closer to each other and to Him as we continue to trust Him! Last Sunday, at church, our pastor, (whom we love dearly and are so thankful), preached on faith and what is means to have it! We need constant reminders that no problem is too big for Him! He sees the whole picture! We can rest in Him and His promises! When we give it over to Him, we can trust completely in His faithfulness and His promise to meet our needs and take such gentle care of us! We’re still praying for direction but knowing that He’s the One who has already paved that road for us, you know – the one we’re not the least bit aware of yet….we have a peace about what’s in store for us! I always go back to it but I love that verse where He wants the best for us: Jeremiah  29:11.  I cling to that verse and to His love for us! For me! I am thankful!

It’s been so hard for me to get in the holiday spirit, if it weren’t for the kids, who knows? But, gradually, I’m feeling that it’s more than what I can’t give to my family and instead… it’s more of what He gave for them, for us and our celebration of Him and His birth! The greatest gift of all! What a precious gift that I never deserved! Yet, He’s mine! How blessed I truly am! How convicting and how gently a reminder He sends my way….just another reason I love Him with all my heart and soul! He is indeed….”INDESCRIBABLE!”

Merry Christmas to all of you! Keep Christ in your Christmas, afterall, what would Christmas be without Him?!