~Bandaids and Brokenness~

Posted: January 27, 2013 in Just Me
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

broken_heart-1508Why is it just so hard to forgive certain people?  They just keep on hurting me, treating me disrespectfully and just plain “rubbing me the wrong way”. No matter how many times I’ve resolved to forgive them, (no apology given either), it just keeps happening. No one should be a doormat but seriously? How do I move on and quit letting them have this power over me? Woah! Maybe that’s it.

WHY do they have power over me?

WHY does it matter what they think or do?

WHY do I let them continue to get under my skin?

I keep ending up back at this place & am surprised by it every time. Not by their behavior but my reaction. I give them the benefit of the doubt, trust them again & again, try to see them thru God’s eyes and not my own, and the all-time hardest – pray for a love for them! Just when I think I’m there – they do it again – we’re right back to them occupying my thots and being the cause of my heartache – AGAIN! This vicious cycle HAS to end!!

In BSF this week, I’m studying Genesis, specifically chapters 18-21 and we’re covering Grace right now.

“The essence of grace, though, is to show that kind of favor to those who are completely undeserving of it. That is the quality of God’s grace.”

It has forced me to search my own heart – quite humbling and convicting, to say the least. I know we’re supposed to forgive & forgive according to scripture but what does it say about GRACE? True grace isn’t extended only once, is it? I think of so many instances where God gives grace to both Biblical characters and us living beings on earth. He is the true example of GRACE, obviously, but we’re supposed to do the same, and to follow His example. Not ours.
Each time I’ve read the BSF lesson for this week God brought me to convicting tears – pleading with me to submit to His healing of my brokenness: “God’s grace to His people and His faithfulness to keep His promises shines brightly against the backdrop of our selfish choices that conform to the world around us and seek our agendas rather than God’s purposes.”
I end up feeling like it’s my job to teach them a lesson or force them to admit their wrong. This is about when the self thots and heartache begin.

As quoted in my BSF lesson:
Matthew 12:34 “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”
Hebrews 4:12 His Word “judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”

I battle back & forth over extending them grace for fear they’ll take it as permission to continue treating me this way. Will they see that it’s grace or think I’m a doormat?
Just a few examples that show God’s amazing grace through people I know and people in Scripture:
Abraham, in Genesis, because of God’s covenant with him, he was still allowed to have a son bore to him & Sarah, in spite of the fact that they took matters into their hands. They sinned before God by allowing Sarah’s handservant to get pregnant with Abraham’s child.
Lot, in Genesis, because of that same covenant and His promise to Abraham’s family, God gave Lot a chance to save his life and the lives of his family before destroying Sodom, in spite of the fact that Lot sinned by staying in Sodom when God told him to leave.
King David, who sinned over & over again, once even having the husband of his mistress killed so he could have the wife as his own & even having a child with this woman, God extended him grace both as a King and saving his life numerous times.
A big one to me: God showed amazing grace to all by allowing His own Son to die for EVERYONE who is a sinner by nature & continues to sin against Him but instead God showed them (us) a way to have eternal life through His Son. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” Yeah! I didn’t deserve that one. God didn’t try to teach me a lesson or punish me for my sins. He provided a way out and some kind of amazing grace like never seen before nor will ever be seen again by anyone on this earth! There’s tons more of examples but those are just to name a few.
Now for an example in my life by a very loving man I know – I was shown an amazing example of grace by our recent pastor when he resigned from our church. This man was the epitome of grace both to our entire church body and to a select number of members he knew had personality conflicts with him in an attempt to have peace and unity in our church. Knowing what he did about their feelings toward him he chose to leave after treating them with love and forgiveness in his final goodbye. He was sincere in his previous desire to swallow his pride and allow them to see his heart of love for them instead of revenge, punishment and arrogance. Even though others showed him exactly those traits. I was in awe of the God who supplied him with the love and grace to extend to the hurt he obviously experienced. The church is not exempt from sinful & fleshly desires to hurt others inside the church but our reactions do matter to God.
The world encourages us to cut our losses but to always go out with a vengeance, seeking revenge and teaching others a lesson for messing with the wrong person. That’s not God’s way. What prevents us from handling similar situations like God wants us to handle them? Pride, arrogance, sinful/fleshly desires of the heart. When I look at it that way I’m sickened by my heart for some people. I’m just as sinful as the next guy. If I truly hate what God hates I can’t act-just like-what I hate. I’m normally pretty quick to forgive and overlook, giving the benefit to most. God doesn’t command us to love those who are EASY to love, but to love EVERYONE!
There are certain people in my life who, over the years, have treated me with superiority and like I’m not a priority unless it’s convenient for them. That is a hurt that I keep allowing back into my life because of situations forcing us together. I can’t just walk away from all hurtful people. I’m still dealing with the hurt I’ve experienced in those situations too but they are no different. I have to extend grace to them too.
Don’t get me wrong, I love all these people, I really do. I don’t wish them harm nor want to see them hurt. I do see good in most people, even in people who rub me the wrong way. I am constantly searching scripture to find out how God wants me to proceed.

It can’t be-what if they continue.

It can’t be-what if they don’t listen to me.

It can’t be-will they go unpunished?

By the way, God doesn’t allow that last one to happen. My job is not to point out the faults of everyone who has hurt me or disrespected me. My act of obedience, to my Heavenly Father, has to trump my desire to make them hurt too, make them admit their wrongs, & show me some much earned respect. I HAVE to care more what He THINKS of me rather than what they DO to me!

~when you know your brokenness is so very close to the healing stages & yet it’s still scary & hard to obey & take that final step & let God do what He’s so able to do – bring you to the other side of your journey & show you real freedom – that only comes from Him & trusting His sovereignty~

~total surrender~

in need of prayers tonight-thanks ♥


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