Way Too Emo!

Posted: February 15, 2010 in Just Me
Tags: , , , , , ,

“Way Too Emo!” really hits the nail on the head with me, I’m afraid! I hate, (highly dislike-kid friendly) when I’m like this! Does it mean I’m doubting God, lacking faith, fully relying on me again, or what? Probably all of the above, huh?
It’s been a while since my last blog for many reasons: time, lack of effort/energy, emotional, stressed, giddy, busy, confusion, (For God is not the author of confusion but of peace… 1 Corinthians 14:33)
the list goes on and on… but the main reason is because I think of something to blog and then I nix it for fear of misleading or depressing someone else. So much for total transparency right? I don’t want to be a stumbling block to anyone! I have learned to trust God and my faith has grown but if I write during those low times, it feels like I’ve regressed in my growth. (“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair …” 2 Corinthians 4:8)
It’s not God’s fault I’m emotional and all over the grid, it’s mine! Don’t get me wrong – I know He made me with all my emotions but He expects me to have self control also. Even with them! I don’t! To say the least!

Let’s go back and see this roller coaster of emotions played out once again. Christmas – so sweet and special. Scott is employed and we were able to bless the kids with a few wonderful gifts that they wanted. Fortunately, for us, they have very few desires. God’s helped Scott to ease into this job, over time, and carried him over the rough patches to smother ground with worldly co-workers. (“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28) I still have my p/t job but am praying to be able to quit and raise my own kids rather than they raise themselves.

January – Heater issues, February – snow fun but cold weather causing hot water problems and high electric bill. More of Feb. wonderful Valentine’s with my husband. The hope and dream of being able to quit work isn’t becoming a reality anytime soon. We continue to be able to eat, keep our home, drive our vehicles without problems, why can’t I just be thankful and content?

I look at all my blessings but if that one thing that concerns me most in that time of my life isn’t happening or working out then it seems to negate all the other wonderful, truly amazing blessings I do have happening and working out! Why am I so emotional?! I want to be content! I want peace and to rest when I sleep! (“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31) I don’t intend to doubt God! I know He is so in control and His timing is always, reminder, ALWAYS PERFECT! (“Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’ Luke 18:27) I have to rely on Him alone and back off already! (“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14) I don’t want what others have – not even to be rich and famous! I just want what we had – our life back! Before the journey! But then again, I don’t want the lessons to have to be learned all over again that I leaned during this journey! Why can’t I have both? In this time, this place in my life? The sadness (“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4) and anger are overwhelming and I’m begging God, my Father, who’s carried me, to hold me tight and wrap me in His capable arms of love and assure me I’ll be ok, more than ok!

God gently reminds me of some verses I’ve read in the past that I can’t afford to forget:
“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.” Psalm 18:32-36
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Psalm 142:3 “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. This plea comes from David as he was hiding in a cave. A man after God’s own heart needed to plea. He pled to the one who could save him and did.”
I pray that this scripture touches you, as it has me, and that God uses my words to bless you and not hinder your growth. Trust Him, not man! Know that He wants you to prosper! (Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I am trusting Him to keep that promise as I continue to wait! I am so blessed that HE loves me, emotions and all!

  1. Theresa Moore says:

    I was blessed by this entry. I think you are in good company. Both the apostle Paul and King David poured their hearts out before the Lord. Sometimes they were lavishing God with praise, and sometimes they were confessing to God and man that they were a mess…”O wretched man that I am!” (Paul) and “My sin is ever before me.” (David).

    I am glad you share like you do, because it encourages others to go to the Lord no matter what state they are in at any given moment, because He is always glad to hear from us.


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