Roller Coaster of Emotions

Posted: September 30, 2008 in Just Me, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s almost October. That’s so hard to believe! I thought if I waited long enough that the next thing I blogged would be the amazing news of how my Father had provided this perfect job for my husband but I don’t have that reality to blog just yet. It’s getting harder and harder to ride the roller coaster of emotions on a daily, well, almost minute by minute, basis! I freaked out yesterday and cried out to my friends and family! It’s like I’m hanging on by a thread these days! Not knowing which direction is God’s will for our lives! Wondering when and how He will deliver us from our present day reality! Or, if it’s even His will that we be delivered! I know the promises of the Scriptures, I know He loves us, I know a lot of things but it’s not the things I know that bothers me, it’s all those uncertainties that I let Satan turn into doubt. A friend of ours sent us this encouraging verse yesterday:

Genesis 50:20 (New American Standard Bible) “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”

Boy! If I could just cling to those sort of verses throughout the Word and “know that I know….” that good will come out of this yuck kind of stuff! One of my favorite girlfriends reminded me today, that sometimes, when you feel so down that you feel guilty for it – that it’s ok to feel real and then she ‘”gave me permission” to freak out! I had to laugh out loud in between the release of tears! God knew that’s what I really needed: to ignore the guilt and actually truly experience Him picking me back up again and holding me in His ever so capable arms! See, I have to reach out to my friends and family when I get like this because God put them in my life to be a blessing to me, each in their own ways! I draw so much strength and love from them that I know it’s a “God thing” when they know just what to do or say! I mostly wish I could see down the road, about 6 months, and know that I can have hope because we’ll be alright but then that wouldn’t be true faith, now would it?! Oh, to know God’s ways and His timing……but then again…….and to know what we’re supposed to learn, “we’re ready to learn it God and to move on”…..Trust will come again, it’s there, I just have to quit wavering in my faith! He’s never changed, He still wants to give me a hope for our future. (Jeremiah 29:11) I’m sure that, like the mustard seed amount of faith that can move mountains – that “hanging on by a thread” is still enough to show my Father that I’m in His hands and that’s the only way I’m still “upright”!

I have to remember that His ways are not my ways and that has to be ok with me! This too shall pass…..

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