Mom needs a hug!

Posted: June 10, 2008 in Family
Tags: , , , , , , ,

You know I probably should not be blogging in my present state of mind because you are really going to get a big taste of who I can be when I’m at the end of my rope! No, not everything ends happily ever after in my days either! Yes, I scream, rant and rave too! I really didn’t think I’d do it today though! I had such a grip on every emergency I handled today! Do you hear all the “I’s” going on here? I knew God was holding me up and I knew He was in control all day but I’d finally had all I thought I could take! It didn’t matter to me that He knew what I could and couldn’t handle. I finally broke! After dealing with a plumbing problem, A/C problem, ceiling leak, bad storm full of golf ball sized hail, lots of strong winds tearing up our yard, hearing about a friends’ sister having a heart attack, my poor son having his foot doused with acid and now he’s in extreme pain that I can do nothing about, (the foot Dr. did it, not me), spilling (not just once but twice), drinks of sticky diet pepsi in the worst places to clean in the office, once in the file cabinet, spending an hour online trying to find the best bargains on a web site and then placing the order only to have it disappear, need I say more? Oh, by the way, Scott’s out of town right now too. I am so spent! The rage serged out of me in full force as I proceeded to beat up the file cabinet while all the time screaming at God questioning why I can’t get a break today? On the other hand – Knowing good and well that we did get home & inside just in time to be safe from the hail, knowing that we didn’t suffer any damage from that storm, knowing that we don’t have to have the whole A/C unit replaced, knowing that the lady with the heart attack is going home tomorrow, knowing that my kids were there for me with lots of hugs and encouragement, knowing that I got a phone call-message-from a great AL friend of mine whom I haven’t talked to in ages, knowing that I sold some hot sauce to the plumber without even trying, knowing that tonight I don’t have to sleep on the couch to have A/C, knowing that I never let any of the first part of my day get to me….a-ha! maybe that’s the problem, I didn’t even try to acknowledge that it did bother me! I was just going with the flow but the flow was gradually getting under my skin and I just exploded! I can only be so positive during a day like mine was today, so – here’s for transparency! I’m so wiped out from all of it! Let me just admit here and now that I even heard myself tell my poor son that “right now I don’t have the energy and I can’t be sympathetic to your pain, you’ll have to go in the living room until I get done with my drama, I’m sorry!” The nice thing was that he understood and he loved on me in spite of his pain! Boy! What a slap in the face about selflessness, sensitivity and family! I guess… no… ok… I know, God did know just what I needed right that instant. But I’m still not ready to thank Him for my day full of stuff yet!
It’ll come, it always does but I had to vent. I had to dehumanize my body of these ever so human feelings of defeat! The emotions finally just overwhelmed my entire being! I think I’m going to sleep better tonight though because it’s all out, there’s nothing left to keep me awake! Ok, so maybe it did end “happily ever after” but that’s only because it’s “out of my control!” Thank God it’s in His!

(dedicated to my friends and family who have bad days too!)

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