So Tired of Hard

I know “God hath not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain” and so on……but……

Ugh! Major Ugh!

I’m so tired of “HARD” when we’ve already had “HARD”! When does it end or actually get “Easy” for more than a minute here and there with the here and there’s -  few and far between?

You know how when you’ve more than earned and then  finally get a vacation scheduled and you have to work extra hard the couple of days right before it to even get to go, as if you have to go and prove you actually even deserve it in the first place? Or you get a minute taste of “easy” and you get your hopes up thinking “yes, finally, I can breathe again!” and woosh, the air gets let out of your balloon again but this time you’re not even holding on so you hit bottom really hard and start all over AGAIN! Or you tend to see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel and woah! you’re in the pitch black dark again and there’s no relief in sight, let alone an inclination that it will get better?!

When did living month to month become living day to day and then change to living minute to minute? Well, actually it all started about a year ago when my husband lost his job.   There have been so very many of those infamous “go forward 3 steps and back 5 steps” to our life in the past year.  So many minutes: “praise – one minute and HELP ME GOD, I CAN’T BREATHE, LET ALONE KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER!” you know those type minutes?

The only way we’ve managed is because God has carried us, held us and never left us! Our brains are overwhelmed, our hearts broken, dreams shattered and energy drained but our faith is still in our Heavenly Father who has never changed. Our strength is lacking and our hope is vague at times but we draw more strength from Him and any hope we’re able to achieve is only In Him!

It’d be so much easier if Jesus came back today and took us home but we see  that’s not the plan right now. So, that tells us that there’s more to do here, on earth, for Him, prior to His return.  I don’t have to like how man thinks they get to control so much of my life in the financial decisions, jobs, mortgage, bills,  etc. but I do have to live among their limited control and remind myself that God is bigger than this, and He is really the One in control! Not man!  They may continue making it difficult and so very hard to get up out of bed but they don’t get to determine my destiny! They don’t get to have the final say!

In studying the book of Esther right now, it is so evident to me the power that God has over even a king’s heart and how He is able to change a situation that looks absolutely hopeless (in man’s eyes) to be exactly how He wants it to work! I have to force myself to feel the impact of that power! I have to dig deep, crying from the pit of my stomach and reach up to the Hand that wants to pull me out of my helplessness!

Like I said earlier, He’s always been there. Even when difficulties in life hide Him from my view. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1) Faith is knowing, no matter what, that God’s hand is there all the time. There’s a song that says, “When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”  We’ve been there so many times.  You have to know that even when you can’t see Him, He’s there. The times  I can’t see God in my life I have to keep moving back toward the Word, His promises,  His people until the only view is God. It’s only then that I can see His hand again!

Sometimes it’s even hard to simply count your blessings in the midst of “HARD”  but it’s absolutely crucial to your “survival”.  You have to be reminded on a daily basis that there is even one more thing to be thankful for, one more thing you might have accomplished, one more awful moment that you survived and then realize it was all because of GOD!  Be sure to give Him the glory, give Him the praise and put all your heartfelt faith and hope in only Him! He will sustain you! He will hold you! He will never leave you! He loves you! He knows all about what you’re going through so let Him guide you through it! He wants to dry my tears and mend my heart! He’s my Father!

Truly a Good God

We have this bad habit of not watching the news that often because of it being so depressing and disheartening but we do tend to listen out for the weather end of it though. I’ll be honest when I say that Friday, June 12th, came by surprise and only after I’d already arrived at work, Scott had gone the opposite direction from home and our 2 kids were at our home “alone”.

We talked by phone once and then they were supposed to call me back a little later. It was only lightly raining at that point but looking a little scary to them. I knew there was nothing I could do from work nor if I were home so I did the best thing I knew: I prayed non-stop for my kids and husband. I didn’t know exactly when he’d be driving back home and I didn’t know what exactly was going on home with my kids. I just kept busy at work! Every time the phone rang, I prayed it was them. The call never came. The power went off at home shortly after we talked. Our phone is electrically charged. (note to self: get another phone)

The lights flickered a little and even went off once at work but we were fine there. It looked pretty bad here and there but finally cleared and the sun came out. I still had not heard from the kids. Scott finally called me and said he’d talked to our neighbor who went over to check on the kids but they didn’t come to the door. I only trusted God that they were playing upstairs and never heard her. She assured us the worst part of the storm was over and the house was fine, just no power. Scott also told me he was perfectly safe and the weather was fine to drive home!

I was somewhat relieved but still wanted to talk to my “babies”.   I completely left them in God’s hands. That was a little hard to this mom who is used to being there with them during the storms and bringing them comfort and assurance. They had each other and they had God! He could take such better care than I could anyway. I let that comfort me! I prayed for distractions for them from the lack of power, for love and peace between them while they entertained each other, for patience and tolerance and mostly for their safety!

I finally arrived home about 3 hours later. God had all of it under control! After checking the kids who were playing, having never heard our neighbor and were excited that the power had just come back on prior to my arrival, I checked the dog outside. Next to his house were 2 huge limbs. I was afraid he had been trapped but he was fine, tail just a waggin’ and safe inside the dog house. Then I walked the property. My heart fell as I approached the side pasture! Leaves, tree branches and limbs were all over our yard. But that was minimal compared to the side pasture. A huge pine tree had uprooted and fell right across the pond, blocking more than half of the width of the pond.  The colt who was in that pasture came charging toward me. I was a little nervous that she was hurt but she wasn’t – just terrified! She walked toward the tree with me and we checked out the miraculous direction it fell – nowhere near her nor the house! It must have made a horrible splash! She didn’t want to leave my side as she jumped at every noise the pond made with frogs.  I couldn’t help but fall to my knees as I took in what could have happened and how God made sure it didn’t this time! See, we’ve had trees fall at 3 different houses with a couple doing some pretty massive damage, in our eyes! Each time God has kept our family safe and this time was no different! When you realize what you could’ve lost – your family – and that you didn’t – your heart can’t help but rejoice, give thanks and praise Him “in the storm”!

That night, my daughter and I got to enjoy a rodeo together and it seemed as if that nightmare of an afternoon had never happened……till the next day during the clean up:) For all of this experience and the end result: We are truly thankful and know firsthand, once again, He is truly a Good God!

The uprooted tree that fell across the pond in the side pasture.

Sweet baby Carey going for a drink of water days later.

I always love the "calm after the storm!" Me and my baby girl at the rodeo!

Fathers Love Letter (copy)

I saw this and fell in love! This is my Heavenly Daddy! I find such comfort in His loving arms and pray you will too! Our Abba who loves us so unconditionally! I have permission to copy this to share with you and pray you’ll be blessed by it too! Love, LeeAnne

My Child…
You may not know me, but I know everything about you…Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up…Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways…Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered…Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image…Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being…Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring…Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived…Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation…Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book…Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live…Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made…Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb…Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born…Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me…John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love…1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you…1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father…1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could…Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father…Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand…James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs…Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope…Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love…Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore…Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing…Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you…Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession…Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul…Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things…Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me…Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart…Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires…Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine…Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager…2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles…2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you…Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart…Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes…Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth…Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus…John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed…John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being…Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you…Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you…1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love…Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me…1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again…Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen…Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father…Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child?…John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you…Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.
Almighty God

Permission to copy Fathers Love Letter: Please feel free to copy this Fathers Love Letter poem and share it with your friends as long as you do so free of charge and you include the following copyright information.:
Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999 www.FathersLoveLetter

Praise You in This Storm!!!

When I first began this blog today, I considered sharing why storms (real storms) don’t scare me like they used to years ago…..but as I listen to this amazing and reassuring song by Casting Crowns, I am reminded that I am still “in this storm”!!!  I can’t help but feel convicted that I’m not faithful to continue praising Him all the way through but He is faithful to carry me through!!!  “Never left my side, though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm!”

But back to the rain, wind and loud, damaging type of storm:   Years ago, I did have to go through a different kind of storm, more than once….lots of damage to our houses, yards, trees, hearts and added lots of fear! Fortunately I had a very loving and qualified Christian counselor at our church in AL who I loved and who shared God’s truths with me, along with various close girlfriends who “held my hand” through it all! Any night that a storm would wake them, they’d hit the floor praying for LeeAnne, no matter where I was at that time! I remember Miss. Alice asking me where I found the most comfort and it was in their prayers, the Word, my husbands’ arms and the arms of those friends! My stronghold at that time was to imagine my friends and husband around me, praying on my behalf, surrounding me with their prayers and then me crawling up and into my Savior’s lap where He would hold me all through those storms, while my friends and husband would continue to pray for my fears to go away, all the time circling me with their love and prayers!  It was around 4 years that I went through some scary tornadoes, storms, wind, whatever was associated and they would always bring back smells, sounds and helplessness on my part. The anxiety attacks were worse than awful! I never thought I’d get past those fears! Finally, one day, in the hallway of our AL house, during the middle of what Katrina decided to do to AL, surrounded by my family of 2 kids and my husband, with my Bible in my hand, reading and quoting scripture (God’s promises), while shaking like a scared child, my heart pounding out of my chest, choosing to sing songs of praise to Abba, I began crying out to Him in total surrender, tears were rushing out of my body like a floodgate, I felt this overwhelming and amazing peace come over me like I’d never experienced before! It was ok, I didn’t fear what that storm could do to us any longer! I trusted God! Even if it meant we didn’t survive it or everything got taken away from us, we would still be ok! It was breathtaking and I’ll never forget the peace that can only come from God!

The verse I was reading at that very instant was Psalm 32:6&7: “Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Selah. (August 2005)

I focused on that verse as the tears changed to smiles and hugs with my family, as the wind calmed and we walked outside to see the aftermath and as my kids looked at me, realizing the change that had taken place that day! I could also see a peace in them that comforted me about their future fears and how they had learned to handle them. Now, Zach will tell me that when there’s a storm, he goes straight to his Bible and reads till he falls asleep. Most of the time they sleep right through the storms! A friend of mine, Elizabeth, shared several verses with me during those years but one that I especially shared with Zach was Proverbs 3:24 “when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet”.  Zach was terrified like me way back when and I was praying for the day when he’d find peace too. I know he has in his own way and I am so thankful for deliverance from those fears, they strangled me with their grip on me.  A sister, ok, a chosen sister/friend, of mine in AL, Teresa, just asked me how I came to this place in life where I can sit in the storm outside and watch the rain now, listening for the birds who always sing afterward, when just hearing the wind would send me into a panic and I told her, while giving God all the glory,  it was about “total surrender” and God’s promises then His peace came! I have to thank God again for my Grace girlfriends who’ve always had and continue to have a heart for me, no matter what, they fill so many gaps for me while they so faithfully continue to pray on my behalf, while the miles separate us, but the love holds us closer than ever! Hopefully this story of conquered fear will challenge you to trust completely and believe His promises, then you too, can have peace!  Don’t forget that fear is helpful but the spirit of fear or letting it control you is when it’s not: fear is very real but….it can be managed!   Your day of peace is nearer than you think!!!

2 Timothy 1:7…
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

“Growing Pains”

The Growing Pains of Life

My son, Zach, has often times complained of “growing pains” in his legs, arms and now his back. (at least that’s what we’re calling it now) I don’t remember going through that when I was little. Kristin has had her fair share also and they are miserable when they experience the acheyness. Then, on the other hand, they’re constantly coming up to me, especially Zach and measuring himself against me to see how much taller he is and how soon he will surpass his Mom! Trust me, it won’t be long! Isn’t it funny how something you look forward to can be so painful and you have to endure that pain for awhile before you can experience the growth?! You end up benefiting from the pain! I’m still trusting God to bring me to that side of my “growing pains”! I have such a desire to know Him and to experience the plans He has in store for me! It’s just been so painful and hard to go through the physical and emotional draining of it for all these months! Fortunately, it is never Spiritually draining because He continues to fill me with His love, His heart for me and His promises! Don’t mistake that to mean that I’m always “up” in the Faith department but it’s not His fault, it’s mine! He continues to restore me and He’s helping me to do an amazing amount of growing! Yes, I had to get to a place where I could honestly say “Thanks for the growing pains and whatever you have in store for us, for me, Your will is what I truly want!” Not easy but necessary in order to trust Him completely! I want to make my kids’ growing pains go away when they’re hurting so badly. I’m sure God doesn’t like seeing His child, me, hurting either when I go through my very own “growing pains.” But, like me, He knows that the outcome is worth the temporary pain and He allows me to endure it “for a little while”. My kids are usually so excited when they get measured and see how much they’ve grown. I look forward to the day when I look at how far I’ve grown after all these everyday “growing pains.” I hope you’re encouraged, as I am, by the following verse, one of my favorite!

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Smiles for the Teacher

Full of Life!

It amazes me still, after all this time, how a certain group of teens can bring such laughter and joy to my heart everytime I’m with them! Sure, they’re loud,  busy

Texting is like breathing for them

and rambunctious but they’re part of my world now and they make me smile! There are few things that put that expression on my face lately, since Scott lost his job, but these guys manage to wake up the hope and joy inside of me because of theirs. First and foremost, they’re Christian teens who love the Jesus I do and that makes a world of difference. They’re also leaders and examples to my son who is a preteen or “Tween” as they call it these days and they’re doing a great job there too! I know they’re lives aren’t perfect either but they share their hearts with me, their sense of humor and their friendship, which I’m sure is odd – me being an adult!

Facebookin' all night long

They bring so much to my life but mostly it’s the smiles that show me their acceptance and love! They’re so real and that part of my reality is great! Can you tell I’m proud of them

REACH Teens (yearbook staff)

and consider them a blessing in my life? I do! I have to thank them for including me in their world and allowing themselves to care about a 40 something teacher who might embarrass herself here and again but I know they’re laughing with me, not at me, right guys? To my Yearbook Staff: You’re all a very positive part of my life and an awesome part of my weeks – I look forward to Thursday because of YOU! I love you guys!

Please let me challenge each of you with the following verse:

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Love,  Mrs. L (”Mrs. Lele”)

Philippians 1:3 “I thank my God upon every
remembrance of you,”

In case you’re looking for a link to a devotional web site for teens:

http://www.devotional-reflections-from-the-bible.com/ChristianTeenDevotionals.html

Be Still and Know that I Am God

my little wiggle worm thanks to Lisa Konrad

You know by now that I have this beautiful and very sweet daughter, Kristin, but you may not know how much of a wiggle worm she is! There are some times that I wish she’d just “BE STILL”.  Like during school, dinner, lots of times…..I know she’s my husband’s because of the very same reason (ha!ha!)….he’s always on the move too…not so much lately because he’s had to learn how to “be still”.  About a month ago she was going through one of her wiggly worm episodes and I had to go off by myself and laugh/cry to God. It had never been put so bluntly in my face how He must feel about me as a person…you know, when He’s trying to get my attention? It’s been very difficult for me to hear Him or even feel His presence the past few months, although I’ve felt very close to Him, if that’s possible at the same time! I know I seem so stubborn to Him sometimes too but He still loves me, gently reminds me of that love and patiently waits for me to get still and listen to Him! The things I have to teach Kristin are important and she needs to listen but I don’t tend to stress so much when she can’t because I can so relate! Instead I decided to work on my own problem of not being still so I can listen better to my Heavenly Father! Just a reminder: “BE STILL!!!!”

Country Life provides lots of little lessons

Livin’ among all the tics, spiders, poison ivy, turtles, snakes, dogs getting loose & sweet neighbors loading them up & returning them to us, baby foals being birthed across the street, cows meandering over into our yard, wild horses crossing over into our pond to visit, nature walks to pet the donkey & calf down the street, horse wranglin’ stray horses back into pastures to avoid “playin’ in the traffic”, stray doggies following our daughter home, a son who does acrobats on his bike down the hill and into the front pasture gate crashing into it, dirty kids playin’ outside for hours, lots & lots of yardwork for all – that’s our life out here in the country & we’re lovin’ it out here! The Fun never ends! We are so blessed!

It’s so funny but I started this post back in November of 2007, yeah, quite awhile back.  Why didn’t I come back to it sooner?   I guess it might have been living the very life I describe with such fondness is exactly the reason for keeping me away from finishing it. That’s so funny to me anyway.

Now, today (after 6 months of no employment for Scott),  I still feel, even after all the storms and darkness we’ve gone through and continue to trudge through daily, I still feel truly blessed when I look around and see our home and our precious gifts from God! I love coming home to the country and to “our little piece of heaven on earth”.

Our family has always cheerished time spent together as just the 4 of us.  Even today, with both of us working (me part time), the kids still home schooled, huge leaps of faith with income and Scott’s 100% commission based job, feeling at home once again in a God filled Church with a Bible believing preacher and Man of God, making real friends who care and love on us, a God given position of me teaching a class of Christian teens, the list goes on and on…..it’s so totally amazing and He is truly an Awesome God! Even today! Things may have changed but God saw fit to leave some of it the same – as a special gift to us and just one more way of showing His love to us! We didn’t lose our home, we did lose tv, cell phones, my spoiled state of being home all day with the kids, lots of time with Scott, (now he works full/full time), we did lose one sweet little puppy but what we gained far outweighed the losses. Maybe one day soon, in another blog, I can try to describe just what we did gain but you can know, that with God, “It’s all Good!”  He always provided for our needs! He was and continues to be faithful! His love was and is always evident! He has been our stronghold throughout all of this and we have learned to trust Him like we never could have had we never been through this journey!

“You give and take away. Still, I will choose to say: Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your glorious name!”

Better Ending

You know, dreading the first of the month has become a norm for us since my husband lost his job 6 months ago but fortunately, God gave us a praise for the 2nd, close enough to the 1st to count: Fannie Mac has approved something today that’s going to help us with our mortgage (finally), especially after calling and calling without any success in replies from our mortgage co.  We’ve spent the day trying to reach people who don’t want to be reached about our financial situation, dealt with some pretty rude people who shouldn’t be in their present jobs and argued with technical difficulties all to try to fax necessary documents to those special people in our lives! My hubby actually got some work done with his job, finally finessed all the specifics of his first sale in order to get the actual processing part of the payment accomplished, we think.  I managed to accomplish some tax prep stuff for our business and the kids were allowed to be kids and play some. We had a great time last night spending some much needed family time together playing some fun and fast games of Uno Flash and having party food for dinner to celebrate our dreaded January 1st. It turned out to be a better end to a hard day! Then we ended it with a movie and some rest for the weary.   So, thank you God for friends, thank you God for family, Thank you God for your perfect timing and for turning a hard situation into a softer one just by prompting my husband to mention his cell number:) This family does not believe in coincidences, we fully believe in our Abba – God! Just remembering to give God all the glory and praise once again in our crazy lives here in the country that we love.

Trusting His Faithfulness

It’s been so long since I felt like even getting on my blog, let alone writing anything. So much has happened, good and bad! So much has changed but then some of it hasn’t changed abit for us! My husband still doesn’t have employment but let me tell you my latest story! God has placed me in a position, a couple of them to be exact, where He is continuing to show me His faithfulness, one thing after another! I love how I can count on Him to do what He promised He will do, in spite of me and how He has carried us for all these months! Not all of it has been easy, let me assure you, but at the new job I have, for about a month now, I’m constantly surrounded by scripture! I work in a Christian bookstore where I’m able to focus on His promises! My co-workers love God and are such a blessing in my life right now!  I also work with some great Christian teens with a class I teach with our Home School group! They give me hope for our future! He’s also allowed us to continue teaching our children at home instead of having to enroll them in public school. Although we’ve gone through so much sickness, more than ever before, we are somewhat healthy! We’re releasing things into His hands on almost a daily basis when it comes to doing away with tv, cell phones, etc. since money is only part time with my job. But we still have our home, vehicles and as you can tell, our internet. The most special parts of our lives are the animals and the love between the kids and those animals. Seeing that life and our kids’ smiles still around us is such a huge blessing!  God has brought us closer to each other and to Him as we continue to trust Him! Last Sunday, at church, our pastor, (whom we love dearly and are so thankful), preached on faith and what is means to have it! We need constant reminders that no problem is too big for Him! He sees the whole picture! We can rest in Him and His promises! When we give it over to Him, we can trust completely in His faithfulness and His promise to meet our needs and take such gentle care of us! We’re still praying for direction but knowing that He’s the One who has already paved that road for us, you know – the one we’re not the least bit aware of yet….we have a peace about what’s in store for us! I always go back to it but I love that verse where He wants the best for us: Jeremiah  29:11.  I cling to that verse and to His love for us! For me! I am thankful!

It’s been so hard for me to get in the holiday spirit, if it weren’t for the kids, who knows? But, gradually, I’m feeling that it’s more than what I can’t give to my family and instead… it’s more of what He gave for them, for us and our celebration of Him and His birth! The greatest gift of all! What a precious gift that I never deserved! Yet, He’s mine! How blessed I truly am! How convicting and how gently a reminder He sends my way….just another reason I love Him with all my heart and soul! He is indeed….”INDESCRIBABLE!”

Merry Christmas to all of you! Keep Christ in your Christmas, afterall, what would Christmas be without Him?!